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Still Sick

by The Invalids

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1.
Still Sick 03:23
Well it’s been a long time Since I last talked to you I’d like to think that we were done and that our conversation’s through. Yet still I can’t deny it When every sleepless night I feel the ghosts around me, pulling the rope against my neck so tight. Everytime, I think I’ve walked away I come right back, to where I’m standing here today Broken and wrecked, rotting from the inside out A total mess, and I can’t deny it now. Well I’m still sick And I won’t quit Falling apart until I die, or until I find a way to live this life. And I’m still sick But I won’t quit Even though it’s been too long, gotta find a final way to right this wrong. Rubbing elbows with strangers Out on the street I can’t help but wonder why they seem to think that everything’s complete. Can I be the only one who feels Disconnected and half alive? I’d like to think that I’m not alone, that there’s others out there, but there’s no one out there. And I’m still seeing darkly every time. It’s hard to kick habits ingrained in a brainwashed mind. They say that someday we’ll see face to face And I hope that that’s the case Cause until then I can’t fool myself that I’m not lost inside this place. Well I’m still sick And I won’t quit Falling apart until I die, or until I find a way to live this life. And I’m still sick But I won’t quit Even though it’s been too long, gotta find a final way to right this wrong. Cause in the autumn twilight And in the long dark winter night I still hope to hear that calling sound. And in the pitchest black I Yearn to find my way back If I’m lost then somehow I’ll be found.
2.
Long arm pursuing, gotta avoid this heat I know you took a bullet, need one more for the team Can you fly Bobby? Bobby can you fly? Burnt the fucking money when you blew up the safe But I’m happy that you’re here you’re gonna help us escape Can you fly Bobby? Bobby can you fly? Let’s fucking try. Working for the man down at OCP Then you barge into the room and tell them, ‘bitches leave’ Can you cry Bobby? Bobby can you cry? Gotta get this deal done, if I don’t it’s a shame Tigers playing tonight, I never miss a game Can you cry Bobby? Bobby can you cry? Well I’m pretty pissed Dick, this thing blew up on me Water under the bridge for a piece of Delta City Boddicker’s the name, Michigan will never be the same Later on down at the steel mill, Emil’s mutilated corpse all up in my grill Watch you die Bobby Bobby watch you die. Ten years pass and not a damn thing changed ‘That 70’s Show’ will bring money and fame Watch you die Bobby Bobby watch you die.
3.
Janessa’s going out, to a house tonight The one that’s downtown, she’s heard it’s out of sight A place where older kids live on their own terms, so they say. She’s fifteen years old, she pulls up on a bike She’s never been before, she wonders what it’s like The funny thing is I was here fifteen years ago myself. And I can tell you what I remember from those wasted days and nights A time and place that seemed so magical at first I thought I’d found The meaning I’d wanted all my life to that point, but I was so wrong Here’s how it looks inside with time between us. Well see the guy in the sweater there Over by the over-stuffed easy chair Tells the girls he’s a poet in the night, but when he’s done them he’s done Yeah you know the type. And see the girl with the blue hair? The one with the smirk and the vacant stare. She’s looking to hurt someone the way she was hurt last night You’d better hold on tight. This world’ll break you down, Janessa It’ll break you down and tear you apart There’s no way out. This world broke them down, Janessa Yeah, it broke them down and tore them apart There’s no way out. And you’ll kill yourself if you try and beat it Best to walk away, unless you really mean it Find the ones who are coming at you from the heart. Janessa goes inside, and she likes what she sees Wild and alive, the kids are living free Or so it might seem from the the first glance on that night. I felt that way myself, but now I wonder why It feels like back then, a part of me just died And it’s taken fifteen years to bring it back to life. And I can tell you what I remember from those wasted days and nights A time and place that seemed so magical at first I thought I’d found The meaning I’d wanted all my life to that point, but I was so wrong Here’s how it looks inside with time between us. Well there’s a girl in the easy-chair At night she cuts herself to make her parents care But we’re so busy with politics that none of us can care at all. And see that guy jumping up and down? Life of the party, yeah he’s a clown. I swear to God ten years from now he’s gonna hang himself. This world’ll break you down, Janessa It’ll break you down and tear you apart There’s no way out. This world broke us down, Janessa Yeah it broke us down and tore us apart There’s no way out. And you’ll kill yourself if you try and beat it Best to walk away, unless you really mean it Find the ones who are coming at you from the heart.
4.
We saw our old friends at the party last night Strangers and rivals even got along all right. New young scenesters came to have one last look I wonder how much they’re like us and if their dreams will see them through? I wonder if RP boys still drink real hard? I wonder if Sebastopol girls still serve whiskey in their front yard? Chain smoking cigarettes, fighting over the last beers I guess they helped to calm our fears. Strange how we spent out best years: Living in garages On the wrong side of town. Listen close and you might hear the sound Of young losers playing loud. Some thought they could change the world with Hope and good deeds Not yet understanding it always bites the hand that feeds. Somehow the images we cultivated Are now a box of fliers and tattoos, half faded. Chain smoking cigarettes, fighting over the last beers I guess they helped to calm our fears. Strange how we spent out best years: Possessed like daredevils, we all climbed into vans Racing out across the southlands Just trying to make some strangers raise their hands. Hey kid don’t get too enamored, with you and all your social friends Ten years and none of this’ll matter, it’s how this party always seems to end I live so different now, it makes me wonder how Any of this ever happened at all.
5.
Met you one night at my place, yeah we threw a Marked Men record on And now I, now I think about you every time I, every time I hear that song Right here with you, right here with you Every time I hear that song. Right here with you, right here with you Every time I hear that song. Come on. You sang along with the Marked Men, but you’d never Heard Jay Reatard and now I Now I think about you every time I, every time I hear that song Right here with you, right here with you Every time I hear that song. Right here with you, right here with you Every time I hear that song. Stalk Myspace, call you on the phone Send you text messages, you’re never ever home Staring through your window with binoculars in a tree I guess it didn’t mean a thing, so now there’s nothing more to do than sing, sing: Hey Gennavieve, we never did, get that, get that drink. Never never, never never, never never, no we never ever got that drink.
6.
Uriah Heep 03:14
Back in the day You hid your intentions away But I always knew You hated anyone who ever outdid you. Now we’re all best friends Till someone ascends To heights that you, never really thought they ought to. You blame your failures on bad luck But the truth is, all the things you’ve ever done were for false reasons and Now don’t hate Just because it’s too late. Your rise to fame has never come, you’re all done. Your pathetic crew, has all abandoned you, you’re not fooling anyone. Twelve years ago Your big ego It could intimidate But nowadays your shit just seems third rate. Your insecurities Are now so plain to me They’ve brought you to your knees But that won’t buy you any sympathy. You blame your failures on bad luck But the truth is, all the things you’ve ever done were for false reasons and Now don’t hate Just because it’s too late. Your rise to fame has never come, you’re all done. Your pathetic crew, has all abandoned you, you’re not fooling anyone. I know when you hear this shit, you’re gonna try and diss it But just remember that you never could do, never could do this.
7.
Bad news muse, this one’s for you Last song I’m gonna waste on you Succubus, in a polka dot dress Such a beautiful disaster and a mess. Bad new muse, this one’s for you A million things I’ve gotta say and it’s true Cursed my heart, infected my brain I’m all alone and I think I’ll go insane. Bad news muse, this one’s for you Just one last thing I’ve gotta say to you You hurt my heart, yeah you left it bruised And now my veins are just a-pumping black and blue. Can you savor the night, can you savor the sounds Can you savor the times when I’m not around?
8.
Get Dead 04:06
Drinking in my room, fucked up over you, You can’t even talk about the things you want with us. Basking in the gloom, of addiction you pursue, Cause a mirror and razor’s all you crave for. People that you’ve been before, that you don’t want around anymore How true were those words wrote for you And how could I think I was gonna save you? Yeah I’d rather get dead Than live with you inside my head Can’t believe I fell for that shit they call love. I used to hope the time we spent would somehow never ever end But now I think about the time we spent and then I’d rather get dead Than live with you inside my head Can’t believe I fell for that shit they call love.
9.
Call an ambulance This time I’m finally done. From years of anxious guilt Look at what I’ve become. Bloodshot eyes, I hardly sleep at night Zoned out all day, I’m never feeling right Not human any more Gripped with fear with nothing to run from. I’m barely breathing, and my Heart is beating, out of my chest Crossing my heart cause the end is near Wondering who will find me here Dead at 31. This is The end of my Miserable life. Brought on by All of this Internal strife. This final Anxiety Cuts like a knife. Call an ambulance I’ve finally lost my mind. Won’t have the chance To say my goodbyes. Left wrist up, two fingers on my pulse It’s racing out of time, my chest is getting tight My arms are going numb Gripped with fear with nothing to run from.
10.
The shades are drawn, the door is locked, and I’m laying low so Don’t be offended if I’m not around tonight to fucking go to your show Or open mic or opening or your ballet recital I’m all strung out, agoraphobia has got me anti-social You might say that I’m crazy, and you’re right yes I am But you’d have to be crazy not to be like I am And I’d have to be crazy not to want this to end What more can I say, what more can I do I’m falling right apart don’t you see it too? What more can I say, what more can I do? The ancient Greeks called it hamartia, nowadays it’s bipolar neurosis But either way it’s got me holed up, it’s nothing personal I’ve gotta sort through this shit You might say that I’m crazy, and you’re right yes I am But you’d have to be crazy not to be like I am And I’d have to be crazy not to want this to end What more can I say, what more can I do I’m falling right apart don’t you see it too? What more can I say, what more can I do? I guess I’ve lost the feeling Broken down and beaten What can I do?
11.
Love Song 02:24
When I was young this world taught me, through its schools and through its writings, I controlled the things around me with the sheer force of my will. And I heard the very same thing on TV and from my family, ‘You’re the best and you are blameless, so go out and take your fill.’ But as the years went by it didn’t make much sense, we’re all weak with ignorance, controlling nothing but the way we act with one another. So goodbye, cause it’s over I loved you, but it’s over Just an unrequited love song to myself. When I got a little older, I saw things that made me wonder what was wrong with this whole world, so I fell in with a crew. Yeah we talked a lot of bullshit about how we were so different, but in the end it’s still all egos dressed up with some old tattoos. Since then, I’ve found we’re all guilty before each For everyone and everything And myself a greater criminal than all the others. So goodbye, cause it’s over I loved you, but it’s over Just an unrequited love song to myself. When I was young this world taught me life had value in utility, and each breath it could be measured by important things we do. And I remember feeling excited about a tribe where they sent old men off to die alone in the ice when their productive years were through. It makes me wonder now, is this the best that we can hope Living like machines strung out on dope Clicking parts and whirring gears, oblivious to one another? So goodbye, cause it’s over I loved you, but it’s over Just an unrequited love song to myself.
12.
Your Fault 03:20
Now, it’s always your fault All night and day, yeah it’s always your fault. All night and day. Left me waiting at the gallows to hang Without so much as a reason. Your wayward ways are always to blame And now I’m starting to see it. This time you’re wrong It won’t be long I won’t forgive, I won’t forget, I won’t forgive. Now, it’s always your fault All night and day, now it’s always your fault. All night and day. You left me waiting at the gallows to hang Without so much as a reason. I can hear you just a-laughing it up, saying ‘Ain’t got the guts to be leaving.’ This time you’re wrong It won’t be long I won’t forgive, I won’t forget, I won’t forgive. Now, it’s always your fault All night and day, now it’s always your fault. All night and day. Someday soon, you’ll be the one who’s lonely Whatcha gonna do, when you’re the one who’s lonely? Left me waiting at the gallows to hang Without so much as a reason. Don’t be thinking that you pulled one on me No don’t you ever believe it. This time you’re wrong It won’t be long I won’t forgive, I won’t forget, I won’t forgive. Now, it’s always your fault All night and day, yeah it’s always your fault. All night and day.
13.
Wouldn’t care if I died, was what I said When I thought I would live, forever and All these days and these nights weren’t blurred together I used to think that yesterday was close at hand and here to stay But lately days turn into months, that become years we spent apart. Sometimes the moments let me forget, but at night with a drink and a cigarette I realize that going through the motions, is counting down to the end of all emotions. It was just a few years ago, I thought Maybe baby we’d last forever But now I see it all slipping away Day by day. Wouldn’t care if I died, was what I said When I thought I would live, forever and All these days and these nights weren’t blurred together But nowadays I don’t find, my time is long On this earth when I walk, these streets alone And these days and these nights are blurred together The same moves but a different day and place I used to think that they’d extend forever through space But now I know, we’ll stumble through a few more times and then we’ll go. And these days I can never understand, when they say, ‘It’s the clothes that make a man.’ Or any other products, tastes, beliefs or interests. It was just a few years ago, I thought Maybe baby we’d last forever But now I see it all slipping away Day by day.

credits

released January 1, 2011

Casey Crenshaw – Guitar, Vocals
Joe Cable – Guitar, Vocals
Scott Valid – Vocals
Sean Kehoe – Drums, Percussion, Saxophone
Slim Hoffman – Bass, Vocals, Piano

Recorded by Jesse Wickman at Atlas Studios (Santa Rosa, CA)
Mastered by Nathan Elder at Burning Token Multimedia (Santa Rosa, CA)

Extra special thanks to Tony Alfieri (Invalid 4 Life), and Mori Dinauer (for lyrical assistance on ‘Can You Fly Bobby?’).

Thanks to Billy Rowe, Colby Eierman, and Tyler Sugrue for loaning equipment used to make this recording.

Thanks to Michael John Houghton and JD Clem for booking us on the 2009 Nostalgia Fest show and making us get back together, and to Insubordination Records for re-releasing our Out of My Head CD in 2007.

Thanks to Gerry Stumbaugh and Saint Rose Records for putting this shit out.

Thanks to everyone over the years who has supported/encouraged/made fun of/hated us enough to keep us going. We wouldn’t still be here without you!

final arrangement on all songs by THE INVALIDS (Casey Crenshaw, Joe Cable, Scott Valid, Sean Kehoe, and Slim Hoffman), (c) 2010

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The Invalids Santa Rosa, California

The Invalids are a punk rock band from Santa Rosa, CA. Formed originally in 1993. Reformed in 2009. Current members are: Danny Eosefow (guitar), Scott Valid (vocals), Sean Kehoe (drums), and Slim Hoffman (bass).

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